Brad Wesley was a f*****g bad ass.

If right now you are asking yourself “Who in the hell is Brad Wesley?” shame on you. If you don’t know who Brad Wesley is then there probably isn't a whole lot that I can do to help you. You see I am a student of life and I have spent my time here on this planet studying the masters and their work. Michelangelo, Shakespeare, Nietzsche, and of course, Brad Wesley.

So why was Brad Wesley such a f*****g bad ass? First of all, take a look at his name. He has two first names and as you can probably tell they are not the traditional tough guy names. I know a little something about this as my name is Kris…spelled with “K”…enough said. So how does this qualify him as being a f*****g bad ass? It’s the Johnny Cash theory (also know as the Boy Named Sue Theorem) which states: "A man with a girly sounding name is more than likely a bad ass having grown up constantly trying to protect himself because of said girly name." I have no doubt in my mind that Brad Wesley spent a good number of his days as a youth beating the crap out of guys named Biff and Chet and believe me when I tell you, those guys had it coming.

Second, Brad Wesley collected animals as trophies. You know who else collected animals as trophies? Predator. I don’t really think I need to further elaborate on this point.

Third, Brad Wesley owned a monster truck. Think about that for a second and let it sink in. How impractical is owning a monster truck? Yet Brad Wesley beat the holy hell out of that kind of logical thinking and got himself one for his henchmen to drive. Only a true f*****g bad ass would think that his henchmen driving around town in a monster truck would be a great idea. And as we saw, that monster truck came in handy when Brad Wesley ordered O’Conner to drive it through Stroudenmire’s Ford dealership for being all uppity and holding out on his protection money payments. I wonder if Stroudenmire felt the sweet kiss of irony as he watched his Ford dealership destroyed by the very Ford monster truck that he had sold to Brad Wesley only a few months earlier.

But wait, Kris, didn’t Dalton beat up Brad Wesley? Dalton? That guy from Dirty Dancing? Look just because you are f*****g bad ass doesn’t mean you don’t make mistakes. Brad Wesley’s mistake was that he personalized his beef with Dalton by killing Wade Garrett. Had Brad Wesley just ordered O’Conner to drive his monster truck through the Double Deuce, Brad Wesley would still be alive today, rich and getting richer off the backs of the townspeople of Jasper. We all make mistakes, it doesn’t diminish the fact of what Brad Wesley was, a f*****g bad ass.